Not any better

So I have learnt today that there are many woman out there who are facing the same fertility issues as me. Some had it worse. But honestly, knowing that does not make me any better. I am still depressed. I am always thinking about it. I am still asking why me.

*sigh*

God, why me?

Depressed mode ON

Yes, I am depressed. I have been crying myself to sleep for the past 2 nights. Why is this happening to me? Why? Why me? What wrong have I done that I deserve such life? I have always wanted a big family of my own and now I can't even get pregnant. What's the purpose of my life then?

What? Why?

Sad sad news 😞

So yesterday morning was my follow up check up with Dr. Tan. Mr. F was with me but he refused to go in the doc's room with me as he isn't one who likes to hear bad news. Dr. Tan told me that my right fallopian tube is blocked and badly infected and that the only way to get pregnant is by IVF. However, my tube is excreting infected 'water' which may lower down the chances of successful IVF should the water flows down my uterus. I will therefore need to do a laparoscopy to remove the 'water' but if this is unsuccessful, I might have to remove my right tube. Doc said my right tube is pretty much useless so no point keeping it. My left though is still healthy. Alhamdulillah.

So my laparoscopy has been booked for the 21st July, however now I am having some financial issues. As a private class patient, I am not enjoying any subsidized rate from the government and am paying the full cost. The laparoscopy will cost me approximately $6000 and $4000 of that to be paid in cash! Even with insurance, I am to fork out almost $2000 on day of surgery. Haiz.. So much for wanting the best gynae in KK but I doubt I can afford any future medical checks and surgeries if I continue to be in the private class.

I am writing to KKH to check if I can downgrade. Guess won't be Dr. Tan anymore but I have to think of my future too. With the cost of IVF and medications, I know I can't afford paying the private fees in the long run.

I hope KKH will be able to grant me my request.

Life is so full of challenges and hick-ups. I pray that I am able to go through this phase of my life. :(

Dag Dig Dug

Thats how my heart is beating right now. In 3 hours, I will be having my follow up with Dr. Tan at KKH. After all the required tests done, today will be THE day. Results day. Mr. F surprised me by taking leave today to accompany me to KKH.

Hope all will be well. Or......