So I have learnt today that there are many woman out there who are facing the same fertility issues as me. Some had it worse. But honestly, knowing that does not make me any better. I am still depressed. I am always thinking about it. I am still asking why me.
*sigh*
God, why me?
Wednesday, 9 July 2014
Saturday, 5 July 2014
Depressed mode ON
Yes, I am depressed. I have been crying myself to sleep for the past 2 nights. Why is this happening to me? Why? Why me? What wrong have I done that I deserve such life? I have always wanted a big family of my own and now I can't even get pregnant. What's the purpose of my life then?
What? Why?
What? Why?
Friday, 4 July 2014
Sad sad news 😞
So yesterday morning was my follow up check up with Dr. Tan. Mr. F was with me but he refused to go in the doc's room with me as he isn't one who likes to hear bad news. Dr. Tan told me that my right fallopian tube is blocked and badly infected and that the only way to get pregnant is by IVF. However, my tube is excreting infected 'water' which may lower down the chances of successful IVF should the water flows down my uterus. I will therefore need to do a laparoscopy to remove the 'water' but if this is unsuccessful, I might have to remove my right tube. Doc said my right tube is pretty much useless so no point keeping it. My left though is still healthy. Alhamdulillah.
So my laparoscopy has been booked for the 21st July, however now I am having some financial issues. As a private class patient, I am not enjoying any subsidized rate from the government and am paying the full cost. The laparoscopy will cost me approximately $6000 and $4000 of that to be paid in cash! Even with insurance, I am to fork out almost $2000 on day of surgery. Haiz.. So much for wanting the best gynae in KK but I doubt I can afford any future medical checks and surgeries if I continue to be in the private class.
I am writing to KKH to check if I can downgrade. Guess won't be Dr. Tan anymore but I have to think of my future too. With the cost of IVF and medications, I know I can't afford paying the private fees in the long run.
I hope KKH will be able to grant me my request.
Life is so full of challenges and hick-ups. I pray that I am able to go through this phase of my life. :(
So my laparoscopy has been booked for the 21st July, however now I am having some financial issues. As a private class patient, I am not enjoying any subsidized rate from the government and am paying the full cost. The laparoscopy will cost me approximately $6000 and $4000 of that to be paid in cash! Even with insurance, I am to fork out almost $2000 on day of surgery. Haiz.. So much for wanting the best gynae in KK but I doubt I can afford any future medical checks and surgeries if I continue to be in the private class.
I am writing to KKH to check if I can downgrade. Guess won't be Dr. Tan anymore but I have to think of my future too. With the cost of IVF and medications, I know I can't afford paying the private fees in the long run.
I hope KKH will be able to grant me my request.
Life is so full of challenges and hick-ups. I pray that I am able to go through this phase of my life. :(
Thursday, 3 July 2014
Dag Dig Dug
Thats how my heart is beating right now. In 3 hours, I will be having my follow up with Dr. Tan at KKH. After all the required tests done, today will be THE day. Results day. Mr. F surprised me by taking leave today to accompany me to KKH.
Hope all will be well. Or......
Hope all will be well. Or......
Sunday, 25 May 2014
Update Update
So you guys (provided there are people out there who actually read my blog of course) must be wondering what happened to me after my visit to the KKH 24-hour clinic on Friday. After going through blood test, urine test, PAP smear, pelvis scan, vaginal scan and after 7 hours of waiting, the doctor told me something that I already knew. That my right fallopian tube is inflamed which could have caused me the pain and discomfort and fever. And so I told the doc that I already knew that! I was told of that when I went for my HSG the day before. The doc just went 'Oh!', took a few seconds (probably thinking of an answer), and said "It's probably because your tube was already swollen which is why it is more prone to being infected and now it is even more inflamed."
I was given more antibiotic and more medications and $300 broke! I have to tell you this! Hospitals and medication is so fucking expensive in Singapore! Which was why our PM said before in order to avoid high medical bill, stay healthy. HAH!!
I am given 4 days MC and to be back to work on Tuesday. My fever is gone but the pain in my abdomen is still there, just not as painful. So maybe I will return to work on Monday after all.
How I wish I can fast forward to 4th July cos that is my next appointment with Dr. Tan. But before that, I shall anticipate for my 1 week trip to Lombok, Indonesia in mid June and have LOTSA sex with Mr. F. Who knows maybe I don't need IVF after all. LOL!
PS: Talking about sex, I hadn't had any for the longest time! All because of KKH! DAMN!
I was given more antibiotic and more medications and $300 broke! I have to tell you this! Hospitals and medication is so fucking expensive in Singapore! Which was why our PM said before in order to avoid high medical bill, stay healthy. HAH!!
I am given 4 days MC and to be back to work on Tuesday. My fever is gone but the pain in my abdomen is still there, just not as painful. So maybe I will return to work on Monday after all.
How I wish I can fast forward to 4th July cos that is my next appointment with Dr. Tan. But before that, I shall anticipate for my 1 week trip to Lombok, Indonesia in mid June and have LOTSA sex with Mr. F. Who knows maybe I don't need IVF after all. LOL!
PS: Talking about sex, I hadn't had any for the longest time! All because of KKH! DAMN!
Thursday, 22 May 2014
KKH O&G 24 hr Clinic
It's 6.30 am and here I am. At around 2am, I had such severe pain / cramps at my right lower abdomen. I could not fall asleep and I was crying out in pain. I was also shivering and feeling cold. Had to ask Mr. F to increase the aircon temp (which I never ever do cos husband said I'm a penguin!). I was in pain for at least a hour before it subsided and I managed to get a wink. When I woke up at 5am, I am having fever (38.9 degree celcius). So here I am with fever and severe cramps post HSG. Alone by the way. Because Mr. F couldn't take another day of leave. Blah!
Wednesday, 21 May 2014
The Unwanted
It's 10.30am now. I am at KKH Pharmacy with Mr. F (whom I must add, is super duper sweet to accompany me today) waiting for my medicine. I am done with the Hysterosalpingography (HSG). The result? Hold on! Let me explain the excruatingly embarrasing procedure.
As usual, I was made to lie down with my legs wide open. I have learnt to put aside the shame of having another male looking at my *meow*. The doc inserted a speculum into my V. Thereafter, insert in a tube and then injected the dye or contrast. I hate the feeling of having that speculumin my V, but when they pumped in the contrast, I almost cried out. It was worse than menstrual cramps and the pain was pretty bad on the right side. That got over quickly and I was asked to sit and rest for half an hour to see if there is any reaction to the contrast.
So the result? Doc briefly told me that my left fallopian tube is fine BUT the right one is SWOLLEN & BLOCKED. No wonder I felt the pain more on the right. I went to the ladies and cried. Yes, I did. I cried. Why me? There are others out there who do not deserve to be parents and here I am with a swollen and blocked tube! Life can be pretty unfair.
Oh well.
As usual, I was made to lie down with my legs wide open. I have learnt to put aside the shame of having another male looking at my *meow*. The doc inserted a speculum into my V. Thereafter, insert in a tube and then injected the dye or contrast. I hate the feeling of having that speculumin my V, but when they pumped in the contrast, I almost cried out. It was worse than menstrual cramps and the pain was pretty bad on the right side. That got over quickly and I was asked to sit and rest for half an hour to see if there is any reaction to the contrast.
So the result? Doc briefly told me that my left fallopian tube is fine BUT the right one is SWOLLEN & BLOCKED. No wonder I felt the pain more on the right. I went to the ladies and cried. Yes, I did. I cried. Why me? There are others out there who do not deserve to be parents and here I am with a swollen and blocked tube! Life can be pretty unfair.
Oh well.
Nervous Wreck
My HSG appointment at KKH is tomorrow at 8.30am and I am a nervous wreck at this moment. Mr. F is already snoring in his slumberland beside me but I can't seem to fall asleep.
Monday, 19 May 2014
Finally....
So after almost 7 years of marriage (yes! SEVEN!!), I have finally decided I shall stop procrastinating and booked myself an appointment at KKH. I shall face my fear. The fear knowing that I might actually really be infertile.
I have been married to the most wonderful husband (sometimes, err.. lets make that MOST times, can be preeetttyyy annoying!) for almost 7 years now. I have met him in 2004 and 3 years later, we were forced to settle down by my parents (It's a long but interesting story. Nevertheless, stupid on my end. But no, I was not pregnant and it was not a shotgun marriage!) However, few months after I met him, I came down with super duper bad cramps in my tummy which I felt was 10 times worse than the normal menses cramp I had. I felt like air bubbles bursting in my tummy and just before it bursts, it gave me a sharp pain every single time. I was still taking my degree at that time and so my parents brought me to a private gynae (because I had no $$ of my own). Gynae did a scan straight away and detected something. Thank God I was already 21 at that point and so the gynae requested to speak to me ALONE. He told me I had a blood infection in my womb and it needed to be removed. The cause? Sexual intercourse. It is a type of STD (I was young and stupid and had a few sexual partners) but being too young, I did not ask him for details but just cried in the room (I was a very emotional girl. Still am.) He told me I needed a day surgery to remove the infection by laparoscopy and we booked ourself into Mount Alvernia Hospital. The gynae understandingly told my parents that I had a blood cyst and it has to be removed asap. So the procedure went fine and after that I no longer felt pain. But what he told me on my follow ups with him was something I can never forget. He said "You might have difficulty conceiving in the future." Knowing that you might never be a mother at the age of 21 was quite a blow to me. Also because I love kids and had always wanted a big family. I kept the news from my family but did tell my husband (then-boyfriend). Before we were married, we did not have protected sex (I told you I was young and stupid!) but I never got pregnant. But being young and stupid (yes! I was really THAT stupid!) I just ignored it.
So fast forward to today, I never ever got pregnant no matter how hard we tried. (I love the trying part. Teehee.) My menses are always regular - 29 days cycle. But I was never pressured to go see a doctor and my husband (lets call him Mr. F) never asked me to. But now that I have reached 31, I suddenly felt the pangs of urgency to want to become a mother (also because my BIL is getting married and I do not want his wife pregnant before me!!). And so I booked for a fertility check up at KKH to see Dr. Tan Heng Hao (he is a senior consultant and also the head of the department).
My first appointment was on 25th April 2014. Whilst I was waiting, I have never felt so nervous! I was so nervous and tense that my blood pressure (which normally was normal) suddenly shot to 145 that day!! Dr. Tan was pretty nice. Told him about my history and he did a Pap Smear. He then told me that maybe my fallopian tubes could be blocked and if that is the case, I will need IVF. I returned to KKH to have my blood taken for a few tests (4 to be exact!) on 2nd May. On the 15th May, I accompanied Mr. F to KKH to 'donate' his sperm for semen analysis. I know he was quite reluctant but it is something that has to be done. I have an appointment on 22nd May for HSG, which I am a wreck about, especially after I read about the procedure.
Till the 22nd May......
Much love,
Miss Pinc
I have been married to the most wonderful husband (sometimes, err.. lets make that MOST times, can be preeetttyyy annoying!) for almost 7 years now. I have met him in 2004 and 3 years later, we were forced to settle down by my parents (It's a long but interesting story. Nevertheless, stupid on my end. But no, I was not pregnant and it was not a shotgun marriage!) However, few months after I met him, I came down with super duper bad cramps in my tummy which I felt was 10 times worse than the normal menses cramp I had. I felt like air bubbles bursting in my tummy and just before it bursts, it gave me a sharp pain every single time. I was still taking my degree at that time and so my parents brought me to a private gynae (because I had no $$ of my own). Gynae did a scan straight away and detected something. Thank God I was already 21 at that point and so the gynae requested to speak to me ALONE. He told me I had a blood infection in my womb and it needed to be removed. The cause? Sexual intercourse. It is a type of STD (I was young and stupid and had a few sexual partners) but being too young, I did not ask him for details but just cried in the room (I was a very emotional girl. Still am.) He told me I needed a day surgery to remove the infection by laparoscopy and we booked ourself into Mount Alvernia Hospital. The gynae understandingly told my parents that I had a blood cyst and it has to be removed asap. So the procedure went fine and after that I no longer felt pain. But what he told me on my follow ups with him was something I can never forget. He said "You might have difficulty conceiving in the future." Knowing that you might never be a mother at the age of 21 was quite a blow to me. Also because I love kids and had always wanted a big family. I kept the news from my family but did tell my husband (then-boyfriend). Before we were married, we did not have protected sex (I told you I was young and stupid!) but I never got pregnant. But being young and stupid (yes! I was really THAT stupid!) I just ignored it.
So fast forward to today, I never ever got pregnant no matter how hard we tried. (I love the trying part. Teehee.) My menses are always regular - 29 days cycle. But I was never pressured to go see a doctor and my husband (lets call him Mr. F) never asked me to. But now that I have reached 31, I suddenly felt the pangs of urgency to want to become a mother (also because my BIL is getting married and I do not want his wife pregnant before me!!). And so I booked for a fertility check up at KKH to see Dr. Tan Heng Hao (he is a senior consultant and also the head of the department).
My first appointment was on 25th April 2014. Whilst I was waiting, I have never felt so nervous! I was so nervous and tense that my blood pressure (which normally was normal) suddenly shot to 145 that day!! Dr. Tan was pretty nice. Told him about my history and he did a Pap Smear. He then told me that maybe my fallopian tubes could be blocked and if that is the case, I will need IVF. I returned to KKH to have my blood taken for a few tests (4 to be exact!) on 2nd May. On the 15th May, I accompanied Mr. F to KKH to 'donate' his sperm for semen analysis. I know he was quite reluctant but it is something that has to be done. I have an appointment on 22nd May for HSG, which I am a wreck about, especially after I read about the procedure.
Till the 22nd May......
Much love,
Miss Pinc
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